Quitting YUKTI !

Although this can't be confirmed even by me, but i have not been going to my tuition classes for more than a month now which implicitly means that i have quit Yukti or wait...like i said, i myself am clueless. It all started with the frenzy in XIth standard wherein every science student had to join a tuition class for the sake of giving those god damn entrance examinations without which your future would "supposedly" be in jeopardy ! Therefore after some initial hesitation and a delay of a month (i love to indulge in procrastination you know), i decided that the AIEEE batch of Yukti was "the right place" for me. I went there for the heck of it and that is where my problem lied. There was a plan - finely crafted by myself and for myself - that i was to pursue Mech. Engg from Visveswarya National Institute Of Technology after which I would try and gain a degree in Master of Business Administration from the Indian Institute Of Management, Ahemdabad, the premier institute of our country for such a degree where the creme de la creme of the nation studied. However, all this planned stuff was thrown out of my mind's window with the advent of foreign universities like the Massachusetts Institute Of Technology (MIT) and The Harvard University. Both this names have been emblazoned on my mind ever since and have been driving me crazy. Then i have come to realize now that my parents having agreed in part to fulfill my wish of studying outside my city in case my percentage do permit such a thing to take place. Although this blog has remained in draft now for a very large period of time yet I often feel the necessity of it's completion. Time and again I have been plagued by remorse about wasting my parents' hard-earned money by first enrolling for an AIEEE class and then pouring some more money to make that become IIT. If that wasn't enough I even wasted money on fuel by traveling five kilometers everyday and in paying the autowalallah later. However later it suddenly deemed upon me that I wasn't game for engineering at all and had To pursue a Bsc degree since my true callings lied elsewhere, in research and development. However I am still confused till this day and have also not filled up the form for giving IIT- JEE at my mothers' behest. I am real confused right now. Over the last two years it appears that nothing at all has seemed to work for me. I have achieved practically nothing over the past ine year except a lot of mental turmoil and ceaseless bickering with my parents. It has really frustrated me no end. The people who have been regular in their course of studies seem to radiate a kind confidence and chutzpah that I cannot associate myself with. I suddenly find myself in an absolutely pitiable condition where everyone else seems to know more thn me in every other matter concerned. My not studying has also infuriated tempers and my being immobile and stationary has also made me add a lot more kilos, which owing to my laziness, am finding real hard to shed. Mostly the circumstances have been rather grim for me all this while. I have done certain things which I hadn't quite imagined of in my wildest dreams. The yukti dropout has been futile to say in the least. I had engineered this particular theatrical so that it wouls provide me with enough time to pursue the more important affairs of my school but know here I am in the month of December quite unperturbed too I would like to mention, having this faux thought process that I shall make it through with flying colours. Commitments and routines have been blatantly ridiculed by me time and again so it really isn't surprising that I hardly have paid any heed to my latest dernier horaire; the French translation for "final schedule" sounds rather flimsy, isn't it? The only way out of this conundrum is to study like hell or wait heaven woould do far more justice to the wonderful situation I find myself in. GOD BLESS ME PLEASE lest I should self destruct; which I already have at least partially - TO SAY IN THE LEAST !

Birthday Eve

This is a small message on the eve of my bday. i anticipate some good gifts tommorow although i have scarcely lived up to anybody's expectations yet when it comes to your 18th birthday, your wants are sky high and performance(atleast mine !) has just scraped a new nadir.i guess i get greedier and meaner with each passing bday which shouldn't be the case. Rather than acting on set plans, the only chore that i have succeeded in so far in the last 2 years is to pile up a vulgar amount of weight and rusting my brain with convoluted hedonistic inclinations which seem to have robbed me completely of my intellect and landed me in a position from where recovery is a tad too difficult if not impossible. i have had the opportunity to resurrect my sagging sails time and again but somehow every time i end up drawing a blank everywhere with not a trace of succour in sight. I PRAY TO GOD THAT HE BAPTIZE ME ON THIS BDAY SO THAT I CAN AWAKEN FROM MY SUICIDAL SLUMBER AND REJUVNATE MYSELF TO DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE IN MY LIFE!

Posting via mobile!

Okay, so this is my first blogpost direct from my mobile i.e. A Samsung Star Superb. This can't be actually termed as a proper blog owing to the measly character limit however just for the sake of it. It was a good thing to see this blogger widget added to the limited choices for my mobile available online but the app developers should have atleast increased the character limit to something more sensible. My results are out and they duly reflect a below par performance stemming from a convoluted lazy hedonistic approach towards studies Ha ! and i really thought i could do miracles, alas ! it was not to be and now i find myself in complete disgrace. Having screwed up the Physics test series paperr also has not helped my cause. Today i learnt a vital lesson that should have been embedded in my mind long ago. NEVER EVER BECOME OVERLY AFFECTIONATE FOR SOMEONE WHOM YOU SCARCELY KNOW BECAUSE WHEN THEY IGNORE YOUR CALLINGS, IT HURTS AD NAUSEAM ! btw MATHS test due next Monday which will test my spirit no ends !

Debating Matters ?

Hello there ! Its been a long time since i last updated my blog. There has been a lot happening of late. I gave the OET(Online Elimination Test) for Debating Matters India alongwith my friend Pathikrit Ghosh of XII A with assistance from some people of XI standard, namely Ruchira Paul, Isha Sen, the "GABBY" Abhishek Majumdar and the nerdish Neha Ghatate. The topic was "Man not Machines, should explore the space." Of course as always the homework on the subject was done shabbily by me atleast and even after having a discussion on a decided day, nothing satisfactory came out of it. This test was given by me on 21st August 2010 and the deadline for the same was 25th August 2010. On the anointed day, we all gathered in the computer room and were raring to go but just when we made an attempt to connect to the internet ( we had planned to give the test online rather than offline), the mishap happened. The modem simply won't budge as the User Id and Password of the PPPoE log in were messed up with. After some damage control, sanity prevailed and we set about our task. We first downloaded Mozilla Firefox which is a much better internet browser (except for its soporific start-up time) as compared to the now obsolete Internet Explorer. We had to adhere to a time limit of 70 minutes within which we had to answer five questions. the nature of the question very well indicated whether a for or against stand had to be taken for the same. We started off with a bang but ended with a whimper. All the initial enthusiasm was consumed in the ensuing chaos that prevailed. there was this mad rush to answer all questions at one go. The one man who had been the most vocal in our discussion and claimed to be a quintessential space aficionado (truly so to a certain degree) i.e. Mr. Pathikrit Ghosh seemed lost to me. I was visibly unimpressed and dissatisfied too with myself and the group as well for being so lackadaisical in our approach. One mere glimpse of the question should have given every one of us enough idea on how to go about with the answer. However, it only sounds good on paper. In practicality everybody seemed to rummage through their prepared "NOTES" at the eleventh hour and the result (which checked a couple of days ago) didn't came much of a surprise as we hadn't been shortlisted while the Shrikrishna nagar branch had made the cut for the second year in succession. However, as many aphorisms suggest, there was this need to draw positives out of this experience. What i learnt from the aforementioned drama was that planning is a must in whatever you do. Silly though it may seem, but even entertainment or fun can be maximized when organized to perfection. Time constraints hinder me from being to verbose which is my inherent asset. This is me wishing all the very best to all those who evince interest in going through my blog.

A tribute to Mrs. Maya Tiwari

i dedicate this blog post to my hindi teacher Mrs. Maya Tiwari who has reached the final abode of all human beings. I was completely caught unawares when our principal ma'am announced on the console that our erstwhile hindi teacher had passed away on the morning of 23rd July. We observed silence for 2 minutes and after that everything limped back to normalcy within seconds. However the news had unnerved me and i was forced into contemplating the repercussions. We had lost a hindi teacher who had an invaluable experience of 22 years as she had joined the school in 1988 (the year when the school was founded). Earlier we have also lost one of the invaluable hindi teachers - Mrs. Beas( i am sorry ma'am i never bothered to check how your name is spelled ) a couple of years ago i believe. All the memories associated with her came rushing back to me. I remembered how she sounded like AB Vajpayee and her martinet like ways when it came to disciplining children. However it was all worth it as it taught us to become responsible students. She was instrumental in strengthening our Hindi in the formative years when it mattered the most. I faintly remember all the brickbats and bouquets she bestowed and me and her impeccable skills when it came to Hindi - both grammar as well as literature. She was indeed an asset to our institution i.e. Bhavans Bhagwandas Purohit Vidya  Mandi. I still am unaware of the cause of her death and have come to know only so much so that she had been hospitalized. today being the occasion of Guru-poornima befits the opportunity of paying her homage. The school and the student community bereaves this tragic loss which has caused an irrevocable void. May her soul rest in peace !

PITY,PITY AND MORE PITY

HELLO THERE ! its been a long time since the last time when i blogged. Truly it has been a roller-coaster ride of sorts: the previous academic year and its mainly courtsey me. Over the past one year i have realized what it takes to waste oneself completely and what disastrous ramifications it can have on your mind, body and soul. I felt emotionally drained all the time and had acquired the traits of a perpetual loser. I felt listless and terrible all the time. All my thought process revolved around me not being able to perform to the desired levels of a 95.4% student who had also scored the highest marks in science in his tenth standard. But being pragmatic, one should realise that resting on one's past laurels doesn't gurantee success only inspiration and the motivation that you have it in you what it takes to reach the top. I was and also am in present times quite frustrated with myself of all my conspicuous shortfalls that of being HARDCORE HEDONIST and being vagrant and capricious at all times. My attitude had worsened and so did my marks which took a plunge into the mariana trench i believe ! I could see identiify no real friends in my immediate vicinity and my realtions with my ex-peers also soured. It was this kind of a helpless situation in which an ant is trapped into a quicksand and is unable to venture out of the same despite feverish efforts. The situation was and still is in situ. My present condition is ironic and quite inexplicable. I know where i stand and i also feel humiliated that i am doing precious little to invigorate the dormant me. It has begun to seem like ages when everything in my life was picture perfect. My life has been marred by a spate of avoidable events which have taken a deadly diabolic & catastrophic toll on my current state of affairs. I barely managed to scrape through my eleventh standard, still perhaps it hasn't dawned on me that i ought to stabilize myself lest i should kill all my abilities. I may seem to groan and moan all the time but you see thats how it all is at the moment. Nevertheless i know that by looking at the positives of my life, i could cheer myself up a little. XII standard began on a positive note with the Physics unit test marks reading a not so dismal 18/25 which were a result of some last minute scrounging through Mrs. Borkar's notes and the ubiquitous NCERT textbook. I sign off with a promise (hopefully this won't be shattered) that i'll post something interesting and substantial next time (when ? I myself ain't aware as the EU tour diary remains pending even after constant resolves courtsey - PROCRASTINATION: MY NEMESIS OF ALL TIMES AND SOME HORRIBLE TIME MANAGEMENT). So till the next time, here's wishing loads of luck to all my readers (Optimistic me hehe ) ....

FAILURE :(

I REALLY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY. ALL MY OVERCONFIDENCE HAS GONE OUT OF THE WINDOW. THE ANNUAL EXAM RESULTS WERE QUITE THERAPEUTIC FOR ME. THEY HAVE EXPOSED ME TO THE HILT... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT. EVEN WRITING THIS BLOG COULD AS WELL BE TERMED ILLEGAL BECAUSE ITS NOT BEING DONE WITH PRIOR PERMISSION OF MY DIVINE PARENTS. I RESPECT THEIR RESILIENCE AND SALUTE THEIR BIGHEARTEDNESS BECAUSE IF IT WEREN'T FOR THEIR SUPPORT , I SURELY WOULD HAVE UNDERGONE COMPLETE INSEMINATION. I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO PROVE MYSELF AND I ALSO AM AWARE THAT MY PRESENT STATE OF AFFAIRS HAS NOT BEEN REACHED BY MERE NEGLIGENCE. IT HAS TAKEN ROOTS BECAUSE OF MY DIRTY MIND PLAYING THE MOST RUTHLESS AND EVIL GAMES ON MY BRAIN THAT HAS GOT JAMMED AND SPAMMED BY ALL KINDS OF RUBBISH THAT IT COULD EVER GET HOLD OF. ANYWAYS LET US EXAMINE THE SIDES OF THIS "TRICKY" COIN CALLED EXAMINATIONS. FIRST THINGS FIRST - I WASN'T PREPARED AT ALL AND YES I DO ATTRIBUTE THAT TO MY DORMANT MIND AND MY LACKADAISICAL APPROACH AND SPIRIT ! ANYWAYS, I STILL MANAGED TO TAKE THE EXAMS AS A HIGHLY INEXPERIENCED ROOKIE AND FARED BADLY. I JUST GOT THROUGH TO Xii STANDARD BY GODS GRACE AS IF IT HAD NOT BEEN HIM, THEN I WOULD SURELY HAVE HAD DEVISED A PERFECT RECIPE FOR DISASTER. PHYSICS AND CHEMISTRY COMPLETELY SHOOK THE EARTH BELOW ME. A GOOD SHOW AT THE PRACTICALS RESULTED IN ME JUST SCRAPING IT THROUGH WITH ABYSMAL MARKS OF FIFTY-FIVE AND FIFTY-FOUR OUT OF HUNDRED RESPECTIVELY; AND YES THIS WAS BY FAR MY MOST FILTHY PERFORMANCE ! MATHS DIDN'T SPARE ME EITHER - A PATHETIC SIXTY - THREE AND A HALF OUT OF HUNDRED WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY EXPECTING AT LEAST IN THE EIGHTIES...! BUT AS THEY SAY EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED ... I SCORED THE HIGHEST MARKS IN ENGLISH IN MY CLASS AND ALL OF THE THREE SECTIONS (PRESUMABLY). AN UNPRECEDENTED SEVENTY-EIGHT AND A HALF MARKS OUT OF NINETY AND THEN A RATHER PALE EIGHT AND A HALF OUT OF TEN IN THE LISTENING AND SPEAKING SKILLS (GIVING A GRAND TOTAL OF EIGHTY - SEVEN ) WHEN I SHOULD HAVE SCORED AT LEAST A NINE AND A HALF. NEVERTHELESS SNEAKING IN A MASTERSTROKE IN MIDST OF ALL THE DULLNESS THAT REPORT CARD SHALL BE ASSOCIATED WITH IS NOT THAT BAD AN IDEA AFTER ALL ! AS FAR AS COMPUTER SCIENCE IS CONCERNED , I SCORED A RESPECTABLE EIGHTY- FIVE AND A HALF (CONSIDERING THE OTHERWISE INCREDIBLE MARKSHEET). THAT WAS OF SPEAKING OF THE RESULTS. NOW I HAVE SOMETHING OF A TASK WHICH IS AS DAUNTING AS MY WILLPOWER TO WATCH TELEVISION..I HAVE TO FINISH OFF THE ELEVENTH STANDARD CURRICULA OF PHYSICS, CHEMISTRY AND MATHS BEFORE TWELFTH STANDARD AND THE GUYS AT YUKTI START TAKING ME FOR A RIDE. THAT IS IT FOR THE DAY. I KNOW I AM ON THE PATH OF RESURRECTION AND I KNOW THAT I SHALL LET MYSELF AND MY DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN TO LEAD ME BAK ON THE PATH OF GLORY ! AMEN ! JAI DADI KI ! NAMO RAGHVAYA !!! :) KEEP SMILING , KEEP SAILING !

GOD BLESS ME ...PLEASE !!!

I implore god sincerely from the bottom of my heart to grant me unrestrained confidence, power, and strength to brave all odds and emerge as the winner. From now on there will nothing which will deter my resolve to work with INTEGRITY and gain success with INTEGRITY. I will try and shun all my negativities and try to become a perfectionist to the core and become more polished in my speech and persona. i will aspire to become a gentleman and never let my goals and aspirations become a case of out of site out of mind. I will strive hard to make the fullest use of the potential in me and would also like to pursue them with renewed vigour and enthusiasm. I will give it my blood and sweat when it comes to completing commitments and would also try and keep all my previous pledges intact and in check. After all the hubbub about my ELEVENTH standard performance, I have decided to turn over a new leaf and give it my Best shot ever just like I have been scoring Three pointers in Basketball only recently. I hope that the Fourth test series Examination of Computer Science revives my fortunes and beckon pleasant times ahead. I only wish that there should be no SLEEP in the world because it really is the biggest undoing of anybody and everybody as it hampers work and creates obstacles for hard work. I believe Insomniacs are the most fortunate people in the world as they are awake close to Twenty - four hours a day which means that they can utilize their entire lifetime working albeit at the expense of their health. I don't want to get sick studying all day and all night long, all I want to ask GOD is why does SLEEP strike people when they desperately need to be awake ??? The answer to this question would be tricky as its difficult to stay up only when you got to study. On other occasions such as indulging in some sort of humbug or something done for the sake of deriving pleasure like surfing aimlessly or loitering around for the sake of murdering time. I always find myself on the wrong side of things most of the time due to my insane thought process. HOPE that god mends all and bless all. 

HOPELESS AND HAPLESS !

HOW often have you heard that term called a dejected mukund kedia nowadays ? quite a few times i guess isn't it and its all because of that rotten stuff shriveled into a once excellent mind that is now churning out excellent failures one after the other. Brilliant, marvelous and stupendous - the downfall has been described by the Satan himself in the aforementioned three words. i have pressed the button of self - destruction in July and the bomb is ticking now and i have not much of a time left. i have repeatedly missed and overrun numerous important deadlines that were set by myself in all the aspects concerning my everyday life and have miserably failed to inch even a an mm closer to even the least important of them. my parents have given me much more than i deserve at this present moment, yet instead of being indebted towards them my attitude has further touched a new nadir. I have myself now assumed the role of the chief architect for the complete decimation of the existence of the mukund kedia of yore. uncountable resolutions have failed to move this dormant mind of mine into a self - retrospection mode as a result of which i am being engulfed in the killer whirlpool of time as each microsecond whizzes pas me - reminding me of what i used to be and what i have become. the resolution moved at the start of the session is now deemed fit to be framed and revered by me without bringing even an iota of it into everyday application let alone the high sounding crap which was jinxed never to be fulfilled. just being belligerent towards yourself in this form of scathing criticism does not bring about any desirable results, what is the need of the hour id to regroup myself from termination and revive my soul before its too late.