Quitting YUKTI !

Although this can't be confirmed even by me, but i have not been going to my tuition classes for more than a month now which implicitly means that i have quit Yukti or wait...like i said, i myself am clueless. It all started with the frenzy in XIth standard wherein every science student had to join a tuition class for the sake of giving those god damn entrance examinations without which your future would "supposedly" be in jeopardy ! Therefore after some initial hesitation and a delay of a month (i love to indulge in procrastination you know), i decided that the AIEEE batch of Yukti was "the right place" for me. I went there for the heck of it and that is where my problem lied. There was a plan - finely crafted by myself and for myself - that i was to pursue Mech. Engg from Visveswarya National Institute Of Technology after which I would try and gain a degree in Master of Business Administration from the Indian Institute Of Management, Ahemdabad, the premier institute of our country for such a degree where the creme de la creme of the nation studied. However, all this planned stuff was thrown out of my mind's window with the advent of foreign universities like the Massachusetts Institute Of Technology (MIT) and The Harvard University. Both this names have been emblazoned on my mind ever since and have been driving me crazy. Then i have come to realize now that my parents having agreed in part to fulfill my wish of studying outside my city in case my percentage do permit such a thing to take place. Although this blog has remained in draft now for a very large period of time yet I often feel the necessity of it's completion. Time and again I have been plagued by remorse about wasting my parents' hard-earned money by first enrolling for an AIEEE class and then pouring some more money to make that become IIT. If that wasn't enough I even wasted money on fuel by traveling five kilometers everyday and in paying the autowalallah later. However later it suddenly deemed upon me that I wasn't game for engineering at all and had To pursue a Bsc degree since my true callings lied elsewhere, in research and development. However I am still confused till this day and have also not filled up the form for giving IIT- JEE at my mothers' behest. I am real confused right now. Over the last two years it appears that nothing at all has seemed to work for me. I have achieved practically nothing over the past ine year except a lot of mental turmoil and ceaseless bickering with my parents. It has really frustrated me no end. The people who have been regular in their course of studies seem to radiate a kind confidence and chutzpah that I cannot associate myself with. I suddenly find myself in an absolutely pitiable condition where everyone else seems to know more thn me in every other matter concerned. My not studying has also infuriated tempers and my being immobile and stationary has also made me add a lot more kilos, which owing to my laziness, am finding real hard to shed. Mostly the circumstances have been rather grim for me all this while. I have done certain things which I hadn't quite imagined of in my wildest dreams. The yukti dropout has been futile to say in the least. I had engineered this particular theatrical so that it wouls provide me with enough time to pursue the more important affairs of my school but know here I am in the month of December quite unperturbed too I would like to mention, having this faux thought process that I shall make it through with flying colours. Commitments and routines have been blatantly ridiculed by me time and again so it really isn't surprising that I hardly have paid any heed to my latest dernier horaire; the French translation for "final schedule" sounds rather flimsy, isn't it? The only way out of this conundrum is to study like hell or wait heaven woould do far more justice to the wonderful situation I find myself in. GOD BLESS ME PLEASE lest I should self destruct; which I already have at least partially - TO SAY IN THE LEAST !