Whining CONTINUES...

This has been a terrible betrayal of my own self. My indifference has dealt a body blow to my confidence which haunts me every second of the day, demanding answers which I don’t possess! My impending Journal which was supposed be completed probably a decade ago still cringes at my ineptitude. My hapless parents are clueless as to why they cannot coerce me to improve my health. I am dazed at times simply thinking about what could have gone wrong in the last two years of my schooling that culminated into a total catastrophe! I even blamed myself and my lackadaisical attitude for such a disaster but still was at a loss to justify my recalcitrant ways when it came to studying during the board examinations. To add to my woes, God has been wrecking havoc by directing his wrath towards me in every possible way he wants! I even suffer from fits of atheism when I question my belief in GOD blaming him for all the wrongs committed solely by me in the past couple of years. All of this has culminated into such a quagmire which resembles a diabolical entity refusing to resolve itself, keeping me whining and wallowing in self-pity all the time. Often, have I tried to find a way out of this chaos but to no avail. The "Take it Easy" attitude has percolated deep within my circulatory system and has made my mind dormant by disarming it of all its intellectual capabilities. I know the solution to get rid of the terrible mess which I find myself embroiled in lies within me but I just cannot figure out a way to lead a purposeful life again. Each promise made in good spirit to my self is shattered disdainfully in a few moments by that very devilish self which knows nothing except indulging in hedonistic endeavours. I find myself at loss of words to describe the terrible metamorphosis my outlook has undergone under the shadow of some evil spectre. I have become corrupt to the core and the corruption here is of the moral kind. I claim to be a prisoner of conscience but nowadays, that very conscience has evaporated under the influence of lust. And lust of an exorbitant degree, one that knows no bounds except destroying its captive to the core. So much so that no amount of prayers can then repair the recidivistic mind that is hell bent on consuming your innate morality with consummate ease.

My other worry is my corpulent personality. I shy away from the mirror because it reflects a dastardly body worthy of crucifixion enveloped in layers of fat accumulated by means of an inexplicable constant craving for junk food accompanied with a ZERO-EXERCISE policy. My bulging waistline has everything to do with my procrastinating attitude coupled with an extraordinary appetite for all things that taste sweet. The situation is so preposterous that my mother has to go around shopping every three months for my wardrobe with my extended size in mind. My parents have done everything that they could have done to make me shed those flabs hanging out from my lousy abdomen but without success. Each time I say I'll try without truly meaning the same and end up infuriating them all the more. This has lead to some very rancorous and forgettable squabbles but my stubborn self just refuses to budge! Of late, I have shown some promise by trotting on the tread-mill for three consecutive days!!! But only time will tell if I am actually successful with the aforementioned routine.